i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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