Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I still have a little drunk in my system
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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