Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
