I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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