Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
