so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
