Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
