omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
