ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
