Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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