kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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