i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
