I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
