its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bring me that man meat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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