Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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