rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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