Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
