You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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