It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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