I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
