Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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