If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
