Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
