I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
