I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
