Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
