i think i have two assholes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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