As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
