There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize