Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
