do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
