HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize