Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
