There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
