just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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