my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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