Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
