Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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