Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
