My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
