did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
