There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
