well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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