i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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