I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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