is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
