I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
