just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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