Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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