i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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