Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
