They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
