Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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