I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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