Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
