Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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