why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
