Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
