It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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