I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize