I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
