So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
