Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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