hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Two words: blizzard sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
