All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
